Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 279

CONTENTS
Issue 279


I’m Saint Patrick and I’m Back to Fix America’s #1 Problem: Snakes
by JENNIE EGERDIE
May I remind you, the Second Amendment protects your right to Bear Arms, not snakes. Americans can still have as many Bear Arms as they want.

Newest Additions To The Cultural Lexicon
by KIT LIVELY
The Accidental Bidet: When the commode accidentally flushes while you're still seated, coating your private area with soiled toilet water. And more!

Little Known Facts About St. Patrick’s Day
by NAT HRVATIN
St. Patrick’s Day is named in honor of the two-time Olivier Award winning actor, Sir Patrick Stewart. But, when abbreviated to St. Pat’s Day, it’s named for Pat Sajak.

Ron DeSantis Never Gave Lap Dances And Eight Other Newly Discovered Examples of the Mandela Effect
by CHRIS ENO MCMAHON
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis first rose to fame as a founding member of the Chippendales erotic dance group. But it didn’t really happen. DeSantis never actually thrilled women in any capacity.

I’m Speaking to the Server at This Portuguese Restaurant in French, Goddamnit
by LAURA BERLINSKY-SCHINE
Yes, I am aware that this is a Portuguese restaurant and Portuguese is a distinct language. But, you see, I don’t know Portuguese. I can’t even spell it. That’s why I’m speaking French and want you to know that I speak French.

#RobotARockBand
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
R2U2, HAL and Oats, Stone Temple Autopilots, and more #RobotARockBand on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Tyson Cole, Drew Panckeri, Eric Kofman